Why it’s so hard to independently solve our relationship problems and w
hen is the right time to go to see a couple’s therapist?
Remember how it was at the beginning of your relationship? Does it seem you were more on the same page, had the same goals and view and were willing to give each other what you needed? Why and when did it all change?
How come you two pretty decent people who had no problem communicating at work constantly get into an argument with a partner that keeps destroying your relationships and drives you apart?
The problem is that in time we become too reactive. Our walls go up as soon as we hear another word of blame or complain… and we don’t even need to hear the whole thing… an eyebrow movement… deep sigh.. that would take us right into that defensive and critical mode that we promised ourselves not to go to… many many times before.
Often we think that our problems in communication. We think that if we improved communication we won’t have conflicts. The problem is that often it’s a top-bottom approach It’s really difficult to say: “Hunny, please don’t talk to me like this, it hurts”, when you are just want to scream in disagreement.
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) working with couples. This approach also helps to improve communication however it takes us deeper than just changing the form of communicating with each other. It helps couples to understand their primary needs and emotions and start connecting on this level. Often, behind the angry “I can’t believe you forgot to pick up the dog food, again!!” is ” I am so tired of being alone with keeping the household running, I feel so unimportant…”
I will help you to better understand your needs and communicate them to your partner, so he or she can actually hear them and respond properly. You will stop spinning wheels and learn how to find solutions that work for both of you. We will deescalate your conflicts right during the sessions. You will start going towards each other instead of growing apart.
When one or both partners come with the trauma in the past
Those with traumas often bring their pattern of communicating with the world into their relationships. People who have been traumatized have a tendency to isolate themselves, be more defensive and critical of others. Their defences can take a form of angry outbursts, blame or shutting down. Once traumatized it’s difficult to trust others.
The good news is that our partner can help us to trust the world again. People can heal in the environment of love, trust and care for each other.
Our family supposed to be our safe base where we seek support when we are in trouble. Our partner can hear us out, give advice or just stay with us in our pain. We all need to feel safe and secure in their relationships. I will help you to reconnect with your partner in a new way, reestablish an emotional connection with your partner. You will feel more safe and secure in your relationship, more open, engaged and responsive. You will start to feel safe and connected with each other right in the session.
How couples therapy look like?
Call or email to book an appointment. You only need to commit to one session. Bring your questions and concerns. We will discuss what we can do together and you will decide whether you want to