Counselling for Self Esteem
Look at this list of low self-esteem symptoms, to what degree it is true for you?
- I have a lot of negative self-talk
- It seems I am constantly apologizing for what I do
- Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and shame
- I often doubt my own decisions and have a tendency to justify them
- I criticize myself often and use phrases ‘If I only said/did/ did not that’
- It seems I am trying to be perfect everywhere
- I often procrastinate
- I constantly compare myself to others
- I feel I am different from other people
- People’s approval is very important to me
- I often feel disappointed in myself
- I often make ‘stupid’ mistakes
- It seems there are two sides of me – one that people see and another – ‘true me’ and it’s not pretty
- I have regrets about my past and my relationship choices
- I feel anxious in social situations and thrive to put my best foot forward
- I often overreact to criticism
- It seems I need to be right all the time
- Others tell me that I have ‘pessimistic’ or negative outlook
If you recognize any of these symptoms it’s a good idea to come for a ‘self-esteem and relationship’ tune-up. I put these topics together because our beliefs about ourselves develop in relation to others. We are dependent on other people’s feedback and opinions and do our healing through relationships with others.
These low self-esteem symptoms might significantly affect your life.
- Limits Your Choices In Life. Constant worries about people’s opinions and fear of rejection might get in your way to try something new in life, pursue a more suitable and exciting career or breaking a relationship that doesn’t work.
- Wrong Career and Relationship Choices. When your need for acceptance is so high, your choices wouldn’t be based on your values but on a desire to be accepted and included.
- Being Tired All The Time. Constant worries can cause fatigue and low energy. Fear of judgments and self-doubts can overshadow everything you do.
- Relationship Conflicts. Your emotional ups and downs, anger issues can cause many unnecessary arguments. Do you find yourself getting into codependent or even abusive relationships? You might attract those because in the depths of your belief system you feel you are not deserving of being treated well. And even if you have a loving and caring partner, it might be difficult for you to be completely open for love and deep intimacy. Sometimes the fear of rejection can prevent us from seeking relationships at all. Criticizing and blaming others, putting people down and bullying behaviour are also based on insecurities.
- Feelings Of Emptiness Or Unsettledness for no obvious reason are also very common issues.
- Social Anxiety. You might feel ‘not yourself’ and awkward in a social setting because you are constantly worried about what people think of you. You might think that if people would now ‘real you’ they would lose their interest. If you think that the slightest mistake can ruin everything, your stakes are quite high.
- Self-Sabotage of your greatest intentions is also a result of low self-esteem. I observe it all the time in my work with clients. They decide to do something meaningful and exciting – you see a spark in their eyes, the positive energy… and within seconds there is a sudden change – shoulders drop, the spark is gone, fear is back… automatic destructive thoughts ‘I can’t do this’, ‘It will never work’, ‘I am not deserving this’ destroy all the motivation to do something that they are truly passionate about.
- Lack Of Sense Of Yourself. In attempts to be liked and accepted and we often sacrifice our identity because of our extreme need to fit in.
- Self-Destructive behaviours and obsessive activities are the results of our attempts to avoid unpleasant thoughts. Overeating, binge TV watching, alcohol and other additions are results of past traumas that led to low self-esteem.
How To Build Up Self Esteem?
There is a complex approach to re-build self-esteem. It can take some time to unlearn what you have learned in all previous years but it’s a very exciting process! It’s focused on you!! Your unique, precious, valuable Self!
This process includes identifying and replacing negative self-talk with more positive and realistic, learning about your strengths, identifying values and living those values, defining your life and relationship goals, getting a better sense of yourself, building healthy boundaries, repairing trust and developing confidence in relation to others.
Individual counselling and group therapy will help you to implement these changes into your daily life. There is a vast of information out there these days. You can read a blog, get inspired, force yourself to talk more positively but you can’t make significant and sustainable changes in your core belief system on your own. Proven therapeutic techniques will help you to get into the root cause of a problem.
Our brain is very tricky and creative. Its job is to protect us from being hurt again, so it creates roadblocks that can’t be removed through positive affirmations for instance. You might need a more radical approach. Quite often we address only symptoms. We can learn how to manage our anger but if you don’t get to a root cause of what causes the anger, you will get back to where you were very soon.
Building strengths is a foundation of my approach to therapy. First, we will explore past traumatic experiences so you could understand better your emotions, choices and behaviours. We will take a look at the family patterns you grew up with, your family of origin values and beliefs. I will help you to see yourself from a more positive angle, recognize your unique skills, become more authentic so you can become more confident in your own skin.